So it’s April 1st, and it’s the only day in the year when people are allowed to get away with playing pranks on everyone else. Nothing is real, and everything is terrible, but some people have taken it a notch too far.
Today is the one day when everyone in tech is going to try to out-lie themselves. That’s cliche. Join me to celebrate April-wise day. (._. )
— osarumen osamuyi (@skweird) April 1, 2016
All Rise!
The honorable Judge TechCabal presiding.
TechCabal: counsellors please approach the bench, and please make this quick because I have to get on with my day job of…you know…being the biggest Tech blog in Sub-Saharan Africa.
Plaintiff: Yes your honor.
TechCabal: Proceed
Plaintiff:Exhibit A. Techpoint.
1.Techpoint
Breaking: Sim Shagaya appointed Jumia Africa global CEO https://t.co/ElY62X27CO pic.twitter.com/qVHCVlWwaX
— Adewale Yusuf (@wexcely) April 1, 2016
Really nigga? Really?
HA. HA. HA. Funny.
Plaintiff: I propose a toast. Let’s drink to the fact that somebody somewhere thought it was a brilliant idea to take the most outrageous, most unimaginative lie in the Nigerian tech space, and turn it into a 6 paragraph post. Techpoint must think we’re all very stupid.
Sigh. Here we go 🙄 | Breaking: Sim Shagaya appointed Jumia Africa global CEO (via Techpoint) https://t.co/Tf57uPsQwO
— osarumen osamuyi (@skweird) April 1, 2016
https://twitter.com/seyitaylor/status/715791345168814080
Seriously? Where's the imagination? https://t.co/vpZUVkKm53
— Nwakibeya (@Dikachim) April 1, 2016
From konga to jumia. Odiegwu. Watery April fool's joke https://t.co/xJY9RrykWc
— Afonja: The rise (@tonypox) April 1, 2016
This really isn’t that different from those ‘[MUST READ] OMG GUYS, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WHEN RITA DOMINIC STEPS OUT IN HER S3*Y OUTFITS’ bloggers that swarmed the interwebs since they heard Linda Ikeji made a fortune by pressing [Ctrl+C] and [Ctrl+V].
TechCabal: Enjoy the pageviews, Techpoint. You don’t deserve it. Enjoy. Oh, and you’re hereby sentenced to a 5 year internship at Linda Ikeji’s 500 million office, since you’ve decided to adopt her business model.
NEXT!
Plaintiff: Next up, we have…Zoto. Sigh.
2. Zoto
Plaintiff: Now, this one is actually tragic. I’m 50% confused and 50% insulted.
Now, every good joke – no matter how complex – has 3 parts. The Introduction, the Build-up and the Punchline. The Introduction is supposed to catch your attention or at least get you wondering, the Build-up is supposed to sustain that interest, and the Punchline is supposed to hit you with a concept so outrageous, you release all that tension by laughing.
Stay with me, people. Let’s take a look at this brilliant April fool’s trainwreck from Zoto.
Introduction
You’d have to be in Kindergarten to fall for this one, but you can forgive them because this is the kind of dim-witted marketing copy that many companies employ to sell their products. Stay with me, people.
Build-up
I actually have no comment on this one. Like I said, this is the kind of marketing copy I receive all the time. So, imagine my great surprise when…
Punchline
“We April fooled you”
Surprise, surprise. That’s the funniest joke I’ve seen in my life. Ha. Ha. Ha. Also, anyone care to tell me why it’s spelt, We APRIL FOOLed YOu? Did I miss a memo or something? Who’s “YO”?
It’s sad because I actually really like using the service. But I’m just. not. sure. anymore. The lady who sells airtime in front of my house wouldn’t come to the gate, screaming “first person to come outside gets free airtime”. Even if she did, she wouldn’t see me going out and then pour water on my face in a weak attempt to be funny.
Do you know what’s the worst thing about this joke? Here’s the URL I clicked: http://zoto.com.ng/april-fool-2016/. It. was. right. there.
Editor’s note.
I’m going to keep updating this list as I find new ones, so check back every few minutes. If you find any that you think are an insult to your intelligence, let us know, here, here, or here or add them to this thread on Radar.
