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Ladies and gentlemen, this was me when they told me Nigerians make porn.

1. Hollup, Nigerian porn? – Yes. What better start to a Monday morning than a think piece about how Nigeria is home to the newest porn economy?

+ Don’t worry, it’s totally safe for work. I think. We can’t be responsible if your boss or network engineers think you’ve joined the porn at work gang (if you weren’t already a card-carrying member). Anyways, whatever you do, don’t click through to any of the media (Twitter, YouTube) unless nothing dey happen.

+ We’ve taken to calling it “Nollyporn” in the newsroom, but we’re too scared to google and see if we can take the credit for the word. Sorry, my browser history is not quite ready.

2. The Nigerian ecommerce gods must be crazy. Olumide Olusanya, CEO of Gloo.ng (online grocery retail) thinks it’s insane to think that online commerce platforms can compete with Abokis who sell fresh produce in open markets, and often right on your street in a wheelbarrow. The Twitter thread starts here.

+ Aside: if you spend enough time watching these vendors, you can see them spritz water on the fruit and vegetables to keep them glistening, it’s the most fascinating thing, and obviously brilliant in how it panders to the the psychology of the buyer. Olumide is convinced that people want to see and touch their fruit and veggies before they purchase them.

+ He doesn’t name names, but we can infer that he’s saying that Supermart and most recently, Konga, whose grocery offerings are 100 percent online, are mad. Sit down, be humble, even Daddy Bezos didn’t rush into the place anyhow. Not his exact words, but…

+ Because Olumide is not mad, he plans on competing with Abokis by becoming an Aboki himself, just with a big shop instead of a wheelbarrow. If you made it to the end of that thread, you’ll have seen his casual announcement that the first “Gloo Fresh” outlet will open soon, and scale to 23 locations over the next 2 years. Oshey, Elon Olumide.

3. RIP, Computer Village? A few weeks ago, we learnt that the government of Lagos state is relocating the iconic computer village from Otigba in Ikeja to a purpose built trading zone in Katangowa. Techpoint’s latest computer village feature reads like a eulogy, and does a decent job of getting into the heads of the people who make their living there. Link

4. Yudala acquires Yes Mobile. Never mind the PR drool. The news here is that Yudala, an offline and offline electronic retail chimera has augmented itself with what was probably Nigeria’s second largest mobile device and accessories distributor, which should be some cause for concern for SLOT, the largest in West Africa, it is said.

5. Where does MTN make the most money? Not in Africa. The country in which MTN’s ARPU (average revenue per user) is highest is Cyprus. And for some reason, the African country with the highest ARPU is Swaziland. Someone please explain? Link

OneMedical is helping hospitals across Nigeria go digital, and is looking for a systems admin to join its amazing team. If you know your way around Docker, PostgreSQL databases, and Linux-based systems, it could be you! Apply here.

What else is going on?

+ Opeyemi Odutemowo just bagged a Ph.D in Nuclear Physics. She is 29 and Nigerian. 🙂  Link

+ Ventures Platform’s Kola Aina says that grit is the most important quality that determines if a founder will be successful. Link

+ Eskom is so deep in controversy, it’s a wonder how South Africa has light. This is juju that Nigerians have yet to figure out, smh. Link

+ In case you missed it (like I did), mobile money interoperability is on the horizon in the country that made mobile money famous. Link

+ In case you forgot, Etisalat Nigeria vs Banks is still a thing. Ehen. Link

+ Lagos State x MainOne = Free public Wi-Fi. Link

+ Google is putting a lot of money scale something called Tangerine Tutor beyond Kenya. The Tangerine thing helps teachers become better teachers (the english is many, abeg). Link

+ To our dear friends who use Windows PCs, they’ve told us to tell you to update your machines if you don’t want them to get ransomed by hackers. Link

+ Bonus: Somebody thinks church ministers should get performance KPIs, especially when they declare that your enemies will die in seven days. I am not there sha. Link

+ EXTRA bonus: The meme that I introduced today’s edition of the digest is the best thing on Nigerian Twitter for the past few weeks, and has some rather wild applications. Check it out, I promise that you will laugh your head off, and then send it to your friends, who will thank you for taking the edge off their Monday morning. You’re now a hero. Oshey, baddest.

Innovators working on justice and legal issues worldwide can apply for up to 20,000 EUR in equity-free grant money as part of the HiiL Justice Accelerator’s Innovating Justice Challenge here. The Call for Applications, which opened March 1 and remains open until June 30, encourages two types of application: first, startups with an idea and team may apply for funding in the Call for Innovations; second, individuals without a team or idea can apply for the Call for Talent.

That’s all, folks!

YIKES, today was Nigeria day again. Like we say in Nigeria, e dey happen.

Thanks for reading, and please let us know if we missed anything or got something wrong, or just made an egregious typo (Nigerianisms don’t count).

A major shout-out to all the folk who support the digest with their advertising. If you’d like to support the digest, hit reply or hit me up at my official email.

Bankole Oluwafemi Author

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